| Oh yeah |
[16 Jul 2009|11:16am] |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) vorona died. She died a couple of weeks ago.
Strange, but since I only knew her online I don't feel like I really knew her. On the other hand, I knew her for years. Sometimes she thought that I was too negative. Other times she got along with me. She loved Desperate Housewives and hated those pink ribbons. She had eating disorders at one time and she was always trying to be positive even when she was cranky. She was enamored with the bratslever rebbe and particularly his phrase about "if you believe you can harm the world, you can also heal the world."
I liked her. I'll miss her. That's really all I can say about it.
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| My competition |
[16 Jul 2009|11:01am] |
In reading through my Craigslist ads, I sometimes go back and see what's up and where I am in the pecking order. I have posted on the Cedar Rapids Craigslist today. I think I did it because I'm burned out. I know that I need to advertise constantly, but I'm still burnt out from the Sunday-Tuesday massive Algebra session as well as the Masters Thesis revision and a paper.
I have two very short papers to write. I should have written them last night. But if you look at my output on livejournal, you can guess how that went. Anyhow I have to sign up with another temp service at 3pm and since it's in Queens I should start out in an hour.
That is neither here nor there. What I did find when I was researching on craigslist was this following ad...
I can't really tell if he's a genius or an idiot. I go back and forth:Somewhere around cyberspace honor, integrity, maturity, competence, experience and wisdom count for something. If you are one of those individuals with whom these qualities count, and you are reading this, then please read on! And give yourself the benefit of perhaps using my writing services. For you can forget all those stilted, formal, temperamental, inflexible other writers offering their services here. I write the things that other writers can't or won't. Need a wedding or funeral poem? A dating profile or sales letter or marketing brochure or professional resume? Or a poison pen letter written to tell off that slimy boss or betraying friend? How about a eulogy or speech or website press release or party toast? You name it, and I probably can write it for you. As long as you want something good and creative and profound and unforgettable. That includes many kinds of journalism, radio and film scripts, book editing, playwriting, SEO website copywriting and editing. And of course also magazine articles and just about any kind of verse you can imagine! I also provide online and in-person tutoring in English grammar and composition, and can perhaps write symphonic music for you if you have a piano!
By the way, I charge reasonable rates and even handle divorces! Like to see my credentials and proof of my skills and abilities? Drop me a line and I'll give you a gander. And even edit your novel if you can pay slightly better than peanuts and have a nicer attitude than Hemingway. That would be Ernest. But you can call me earnest!
Patrick The Poet
Professional Writer, Editor & Copywriter
marcelproust37@hotmail.com
P.S. For the next month or two I am only charging a flat fee of $100.00 to create and write a new, complete press release for you. As the King of Kings of Press Release Experts, it will be my pleasure to do this for you, and also provide free of charge my exclusive crucial report on PR distribution and marketing. It is a dynamic blurb filled with tons of tips, pointers, web links and advice on almost everything to do with getting a press release written and getting it out there successfully to all the world! So don't miss out on this unbelievable opportunity I am offering only to people who seek the best from the best who provide it cheapest and better than best! I've written "never talk to me again" letters (but be NICE about it) and it was fun. A little disturbing analyzing the structure of the email, but fun. The story is great because you can tell it backwards.
1. Me writing the email and bringing up an abusive boyfriend and the old standard of "I hope you find happiness" before the "never talk to me again. Don't ask about me. Don't think about me." part
2. The letter from that guy offering to kill her stalkers and provide a shoulder to cry on.
3. The fact that the guy is persona non grata due to the fact that he made light of her abusive boyfriend beating the crap out of her (as in "he was probably a nice guy until you drove him nuts")
4. THe fact that the argument began when she loaned him $150 for a hooker.
Not sure if I really want to outright look for those jobs. They are fun when they come around though.
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| This book trailer is rather cute |
[16 Jul 2009|01:10am] |
Not sure if I like the P & P & Z followups. Not sure if I'm even going to read P & P & Z, but I do like this trailer.
It reminds me of a Frederic Wertham quote where he tells the reader to imagine a boy and a girl on a porch. They are talking about their hopes and dreams. This is LITERATURE (thus sayeth the good doctor). Now how are you going to appreciate this literature if your comic book-addled brain has trained you to expect a muscle-bound monster to come along and throw them both out the window.
(Frederic Wertham wrote Seduction of the Innocent which was the book that helped lead the crusade against comic books that led to the Comic Book code that rendered comics stupid and puerile for decades)
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| Oh. That old friend. |
[16 Jul 2009|12:48am] |
I was thinking of her because of a current friend. But the old friend provides the template.
From that old friend I learned that people who are in shitty situations MIGHT just be in shitty situations and might just be working through some issues.
On the other hand, some people are in shitty situations because they WANT to be in those situations. They WANT to complain about their lousy lives and they WANT to be used by others because that takes all the responsibility off their shoulders. No matter happens. No matter how many people they screw over and no matter how often they hurt others, they are NOT AT FAULT.
At least in their heads.
For me, the latter is particularly dangerous. Because I will want to be the rescuer and I will worry and everything until frustration will set in and I'll get angry and become a terrible person. Again.
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| Damn, leave the sperm donor's alone |
[16 Jul 2009|12:44am] |
So Readercon attendees were pissed about a flyer saying "This is your father's Readercon" which actually sounds funny.
But for the most part "this is not your father's___________" is rather played out.
Although I did like the CONvergence flyer for the Toast Party: "This is not your father's gloryhole."
Which is why I'll be going to CONvergence next year. And probably skipping Readercon indefinitely.
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| On Becoming Jewish - pros and con |
[16 Jul 2009|12:18am] |
My landlord called me in to the office in order to work out a payment plan that doesn't involve lawyers. He apologized for this office manager filing papers in the first place and we'll work things out. I think he's Satmir. Anyhow, it was a definite Jew-to-Jew thing. Unlike the oft heard line during the Gaza pull out Jews DO evict Jews.
But they won't do it if they are both religious.
So go Elders of Zion! I still haven't gotten my packet in the mail but go Jewish Conspiracy.
On the other hand, I miss gyros.
And it's not like they will ever make Kosher Gyros with parve sour cream. Because those damn shwarmas with the chumus will not stand for it. So Greeks eat Gyros. Jews eat shwarma.
I know that the difference between a gyro and a shwarma is the condiments. And the fact that gyro is always lamb while shwarma is usually turkey. But basically both are based on meat being turned near heating lamps so the fat soaks all the way through until someone cuts it off in a reenactment of Texas Chainsaw Massacre for barnyard animals.
Man. I really am burned out on the writing. I have two EASY homework assignments that I could have done at any time today. I still haven't started them.
And I still have to go to craigslist and put up ads.
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| Mimaamakim - another bites the dust |
[15 Jul 2009|11:46pm] |
Yeah, this fucking literary magazine of the mediocre is just losing me friends left and right. Not that I care too much because if anyone is going to get emotional about that shitty thing enough to cut me off as a friend then good riddance.
But anyhow, in a previous entry, I mentioned that Mimaamakim was an exploitive crap magazine but it had a good heart. It meant well. Or it meant something. I went on the assumption that since it started as a literary group at Yeshiva University that it was a literary magazine specifically for Orthodox Jews.
One of the commenters - one that I know in real life - said that I had it wrong. It was there to "give all Jews a voice" - and I promptly mocked the shit out of that statement.
Didn't read her reply to my comment, but she defriended me on facebook. I assume that she won't be talking to me much in the coming weeks.
Anyhow, I mocked that notion because it assumes that Jews are somehow shrinking violets who can't get literary play beyond that stupid fucking magazine. Just think of all the Jewish writers who are clamoring to get published in Mimaamakim like Harlan Ellison, Isaac Asimov, Neil Gaiman, Cynthia Ozick, Nathan Englander, Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, David Simon, etc., etc., etc. - oh except they aren't.
Because they don't need a fucking literary magazine that doesn't even pay its writers to have a "voice".
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| Weakness |
[15 Jul 2009|11:24pm] |
I dreamed about an old friend. Well, not exactly a friend. All the emotions were like she was a girlfriend but she wasn't. She was ripping people off. Hell, she was ripping me off. She was running a huge scam but she was happy about it. And I was happy.
At first I thought that I was processing some crankiness for the fact that she was one of those unrequited crushes - the first one that I actually did have feelings for beyond my own selfish "this is the one that will take away all MY loneliness." Fascinating how you can be "in love" many times but once it's over and everything is back to normal, most of the time you realized that your emotional state had little to do with love and a lot to do with need and hope.
Anyhow, I did care about this one. Don't know if I loved her. I said I did.
But I was happy that she had become a manipulative bitch without a care in the world; because she was happy. And calm. And full of shit but loveable.
So she was the kind of manipulative bitch you find in fiction - the Artful Dodger, Dr. House, Sherlock Holmes, the con artist. The kind that will steal your wallet and make you fall in love with her even more.
In real life, she had a martyr complex. She was the kind that insisted that you DON'T JUDGE HER even though she was continually putting herself in situations that caused suffering to herself and others. She wanted people to care about her; to take care of her - but she never put in the effort to taking care of herself. In our last fight, I hadn't talked to her for a time and when I emailed her, she emailed back that she was still with Ray but not really with Ray - Ray the master manipulator and whiner - and she didn't want to be judged for it. After seven years of "I don't want to go out with Ray, but here I am running right back to him" and long after I seriously wanted her (and Ray was no longer an impediment) I just couldn't take anymore.
It just poisoned everything.
But I was a horrible needy asshole when I was in love with her, so what the fuck do I know. I have a box full of letters from her which are answering my letters and for the most part they are trying to deal with my needy bullshit. Ray was just worse than me (and more successful in playing her than I could be) only because he knew what he was doing and didn't care. I felt bad about myself. Didn't matter. Still did shitty things.
So I guess I was dreaming about her as a wish fulfilment. That we could meet; be happy to be around each other. Both of us emotionally healthy. Both of us having survived the emotional rollercoasters of our years.
The thing about it is that no matter how emotionally healthy I might be now (it's a relative thing) and no matter how emotionally healthy she might be at the time (I sometimes see her picture on facebook. She looks happy.) I don't think us meeting would do anything but put us both back into the same fucked up dynamic that we had when I thought I was in love with her and she was the emotionally wounded martyr that I tried to "rescue" (at least that's what I thought I was doing).
Because sometimes your hard won maturity is just an illusion.
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| Burn Out |
[14 Jul 2009|04:06pm] |
For the last 3 days, I've been working on Algebra, papers and personal statements. And there's a Masters Thesis that I revised.
The Masters Thesis client wants another revision.
The business class has some papers that are required but not until Sunday.
I stayed up all night Sunday until Monday morning doing that Algebra. And then I did it again on Monday night and finished it up this afternoon.
I'm exhausted.
Of course, in a day I will again worry about money. Especially since I have to send out stories and put my stuff back up for sale on Ebay. But for now, I'm tired.
I think I'm going to take a nap now. Tonight I will do other work. Other type of work. No homework for an evening. Maybe I'll catch a midnight showing of Harry Potter. Most likely not.
Sleep now.
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| Remember what I said about mocking vacuous celebritieis? |
[14 Jul 2009|03:42pm] |
So on Sunday, I actually turned on Family Guy. I had abandoned Family Guy for the greener pastures of Desperate Housewives months ago but since Desperate Housewives was in reruns, I went back.
They were making fun of The Hills.
The fucking Hills. The most boring asinine show on television and Seth McFarlane devoted practically the whole fucking episode to that damn thing. Brian dates teh girl from the Hills; she's really intelligent and she does to Brian what Brian does to everyone else including the ex-girlfriend (intellectual superiority and correcting). They show clips from the Hills. The Hills is really a lot of editing of scenes around Los Angeles. The people on the Hills are ugly.
The fucking Hills. I am already praying that every employee at MTV dies of a lingering and painful death that will first make them lose all motor function because of this show.
But I expect Family Guy to have at least something of an edge. I know it's no longer in its glory days, but it could choose a better target than the Fucking Hills. Making fun of the Hills for being stupid is like telling people that war is dangerous and smoking is bad for you. We know. We all fucking know.
Amusingly enough, this is why I stopped watching South Park - not the Hills, but they had that Paris Hilton episode. No real reason to make fun of Paris Hilton. You only make her stronger. I didn't watch South Park for many many years after that.
I think I'll pursue a similar policy with Family Guy. If it's still around in a couple of years, I might check it out. But I can't take another episode where they make fun of The Hills.
And next person who recommends I watch one of those "Real Housewives" shows gets punched in the nose.
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| That question of my friends |
[13 Jul 2009|09:49pm] |
So after seeing Bruno, I went to Golan Heights where my friend Chaim was working. And the food was as disgusting as the food is at that place. And Chaim sat down and we started talking about our old friends. These were the same friends that I was so happy to have made last year because they were in the Jewish community around YU and they were unique and interesting. But they were also uniformly messed up in some way. So they reminded me of my friends from my early days of college and I liked that.
I can get so sick of my normal friends. I like them. I really do; only sometimes I am tempted to take that Holden Caulfield/Comic Book Guy stance and call them "mundanes". I even lash out against the ones that actually get me. And that's stupid.
Because trying to get along in any groups is going to disappoint me. AV Club had an article abotu biker movies and in many of them, they have the trope that Peter Fonda can't decide between joining the evil bikers or being normal and both optins are pretty awful.
( Read more... )
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| Yeah. I know that Whedon already built his career around a similar idea |
[13 Jul 2009|09:31pm] |
Variation on Whedon claiming that he wanted to see the vulnerable girl getting attacked by the monster and kicking ass and starting Buffy.
What I would love to see would be one of these slasher movies - ok a Friday the 13th movie - that goes along like all Friday the 13th movies at first. All the dumb teenagers are arrayed in their stereotypes. They have some discussions about the crazy evil thing in the woods. The breathing kicks in. One or two get killed.
Then when the funny guy goes out in the woods to take a piss (usually that's victim # 3, right?) he's just being his typical victim waiting for the axe in the head or the crossbow bolt or whatever. But when Jason comes to kill him, he ducks at the right moment and Jason misses. And at first it looks like it's just a bit more comic relief before Jason really kills him, but he keeps avoiding the blows until he just turns and rips Jason's fucking head off and starts eating his flesh.
And then he goes inside and wipes off his face and brings in more meat for the barbecue.
Ok, the rest of it needs work (and I have a terrible habit of trying to write horror and ending up with romantic comedy) but I just like the thought of someone eating zombie flesh. Or killer-in-hockey-mask flesh.
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| Hm - Sarah Polley in a zombie movie |
[13 Jul 2009|01:29am] |
Ok, will Dawn of the Dead suck like every other Zack Snyder movie I've ever seen or will it rise above itself? Will Sarah Polley save it or will I just feel sad for her? Most importantly, will the stupid thing keep me awake enough to work on Algebra all night long. I have to have this shit done by 1pm tomorrow. The client paid in advance.
The guy who gets run over by an ambulance - never did like that gag.
Oh well. I will probably remember on an emotional level that I never liked the Romero version. In fact the only Romero zombie movie I ever liked was Land of the Dead. The three time-based zombie movies bored the shit out of me and Diary of the Dead cheated with a long shot. And every zombie movie has to give us the same old shit.
Like the classic mime act: "Oh Shit! I'm trapped in a box!" Only with a group of people trapped in a box. Or a cabin. Or a shopping mall.
At least 28 Days Later did something different. You figure that with all these fucking zombie books and movies out there that the movies could get a little original. But the original ones are few and far between.
Algebra. Gotta get back to the Algebra.
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| Bruno - short review and then I get back to work - got a lot of Algebra to do... |
[12 Jul 2009|04:14pm] |
Bruno was like Meet the Feebles. Hell, it was also like Borat. As a whole all three movies are crap. They aren't nearly as funny as they think they are and there is just way too much scatalogical humor (and in the case of Bruno, gay panic - although that martial arts instructor is funny enough to warrant gay panic as a humor trope. And pissing off the swingers).
But all three movies are bad movies but they have enough hilarious parts that you want to forgive them for being shitty movies. And once the movies fade and you remember them, you can remember not liking them, but you do remember the funny parts. With Meet the Feebles it was the Vietnam War Deerhunter scene. With Borat it was the running of the Jews and the National Anthem.
Bruno's funny scenes include:
1. The really pissed off Swingers
2. The confrontation of the Westboro Baptist protesters.
3. The final cage match that turns into a make out session
4. All the OJ scenes (except I'm trying to figure out if that was a real baby or a midget because the luggage and the motorcycle scenes were way too dangerous for use of actual children)
5. The interviews with the parents who are willing to do ANYTHING to get their kids publicity. No matter how tasteless or dangerous or utterly ridiculous (ok, the mother did hesitate at liposuction for her 30 pound daughter)
6. The blowjob scene with the ghost of Milli from Milli Vanilli (it's funny and then it's stupid and then it's boring and then it's funny again)
There were other funny scenes but for the most part, I'd recommend waiting for anyone that wants to see it. I only saw it because I got a Masters Thesis to rewrite (rearrange) and 11 hours of Algebra homework to do today. I needed a little entertainment before I got to work.
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| The Tuesday Job Interview |
[12 Jul 2009|03:45pm] |
In a fit of "oh shit my unemployment is running out and if I don't get a real job soon I'm gonna have to declare all this writing income on my taxes", I sent out my resume to dozen of different agencies through Careerbuilder. So I had a couple of interviews.
I blew off one outright because it was in New Jersey. I tried to find another one in New Jersey the day before I left for Minnesota. I got lost. I always get lost in New Jersey. I have explained the strange paradox of Ted on How I Met Your Mother being a proud midwesterner and yet despising New Jersey as a running joke. I love my home state. I love New York. I'm happy to go back to Minnesota. I'm happy to come home and see hookers hanging out on church steps.
I fucking hate New Jersey. ANd in the past I've explained that as it reminding me of everything I got away from when I left Minnesota and nothing that makes me nostalgic for Minnesota. However, there is one clear and important reason why I hate New Jersey.
I alway get lost.
After three hours of wandering around New Jersey without any help whatsoever from the people that I was supposed to be interviewing with, I just went home. At least the hotel provided a ride to the bus stop. That was nice of them.
Anyhow, I had another interview last Tuesday. I actually made this one. I wore new shoes. Not new shoes, but I hadn't wore them since I bought them on ebay. My other dress shoes fell apart at CONvergence (I had a spare pair). By the time I got to the office I had blisters. I still have those things.
Like all temp services, I was one of many applicants.
But the best part was going over my resume. I updated it to give more information. I jokingly asked if I should put "Write term papers for lazy college students" on the thing. Since the questionaire had past temp jobs, I got stuck writing down my last temp job which was putting buttons on denim for some retail outlet. Whoopee! I am skilled labor!
But the best part was the part where I actually wrote down the titles for Dybbuk Press.
I actually wrote down the titles.
Teddy Bear Cannibal Massacre, BADASS HORROR, God Laughs When you Die - Oh yeah, I'm prime administrative assistant material for your law firm.
It's a wonder that I didn't put down "Hobbies: Masturbating" just to make the thing complete.
Of course, I've been thinking about updating my sawyouatsinai and frumster profiles.
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| CONvergence lingering effect |
[12 Jul 2009|01:40pm] |
It's been a week since CONvergence ended and still my favorite phrase in the whole world is "Ass Weasels from Outerspace." The irony is that I read that in Rabin's MYOF articles when he talked about Dreamcatcher. And I laughed at the time.
But it wasn't until the remake panel which I ended by suggesting a remake of The Big Chill with Ass Weasels from Outerspace that I truly took that phrase to heart.
Man, that makes me the most popular member of the Orthodox Jewish community of Washington Heights, let me tell you. Hi, I'm a lawyer. I'm a writer. So what's new? Ass weasels from outerspace.
There are so many movies that can be improved with Ass Weasels from Outerspace.
Like the new Katherine Heigl movie (ok, so that's the second joke about that shitty shitty movie in 10 minutes, but really I've seen trailers for The Awful Truth about 5-6 times and now that whole thing is burned into my brain as if with a metaphysical cattle prod. And really, besides Knocked Up there are no good Katherine Heigl movies. And hell, Katherine Heigl has managed to infest everything with her humorless shrew persona to the point where I can't even watch Knocked Up without thinking that it's a horror movie about the dangers of unprotected sex with really really awful women.)
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| The Devil's Rejects |
[10 Jul 2009|06:13pm] |
I really had no interest in seeing this movie. I saw House of a Thousand Corpses and while I could respect what Rob Zombie was trying to do in presenting something other than the high schoolers in peril neo-slasher movies, I found it so unremittingly grim that I didn't like it. And the fact that it and Hostel spawned the whole torture porn genre giving me dozens of movies to avoid didn't endear me to it.
But The Devil's Rejects really impressed me. Granted, if you don't like horror or grim horror movies, you are not going to like it. But I love the way he shifts allegiences throughout the movie. And how he keeps giving you these truly horrifying scenes interspersed with moments of cute family dynamics like the "let's stop for ice cream" scene. I'm not embracing the whole "metaphor for Iraq" blather because most of these revenge movies have the revenge going so far that you are horrified at the person taking the revenge; but this is definitely one of the most messed up examinations of societies going to extreme measures to protect themselves from monsters since A Clockwork Orange.
The fights are messy. The scenes of discomfort are truly sickening. The nasty protagonists have a charm that makes you like them even as you want them to die. And some of the best scenes are montages where the music really fits with the death.
And the cinematography is beautiful. There are just some amazing shots of the washed out desert and the blue sky and the dirty landscape. They really contrast well with the brutality of the action.
Of course, "Never turn your back on a fucking clown" is one of my favorite lines in cinema.
I also like the fact that the evil mutant dude from The Hills Have Eyes (another movie that I'm avoiding) gets actual dialogue - taking umbrage at being called a chicken fucker, but dialogue. Makes me want to see a Shakespearean movie just starring all the great monster characters like Robert Englund, Kane Hodder, Tony Todd and the freaky mutant guys. I mean if you can stick Shakespearean actors in Wolverine and make them growl at each other and speak dialogue like "No one kills you but me" why can't you have Freddy Krueger playing MacBeth? Or Puck in Midsummers Night's Dream?
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| Daniel Farady tries to sell you a car |
[08 Jul 2009|10:56pm] |
Saw this in a MYOF article about Solaris which is one of my favorite underappreciated movies. And yeah, I'm talking about the Soderbergh version.
I liked it better than the book.
And I definitely liked it better than that ghastly Russian "classic" from the 70s that seemed to be on a mission to make 2001 seem like Star Wars by comparison.
Apparently Jeremy Davies is in it. So I'll have to see it again. And he also plays Charles Manson in something. So I'll have to check that out.
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| Ok, this is all you're gonna get out of me. |
[08 Jul 2009|04:07pm] |
And I know all the shitty jokes, but really. Corey Feldman claimed that Michael never touched him (on the other - Corey Feldman - who would?)
And when I was 12 years old, I thought that Michael was creepy. So was Prince but less so. So I sure as hell wouldn't have gone to Neverland Ranch to sleep in a bed with him and drink jesus juice and learn how to masturbate - even though that's a very important skill.
Now if Susan Sarandon or Michelle Pfeiffer had wanted to take me to their ranches to sleep in their beds, drink Jesus Juice and masturbate before molesting me - well I don't think I would have minded in the slightest. Nope. I think I would definitely let Michelle Pfeiffer molest my 12-year old self. Hell, she can molest me now if she wants. I don't think she wants.
And in looking at old pictures, I realize that I was a cute teenager. A socially awkward teenager who was deadly afraid of women, but a cute socially awkward teenager with hangups. And rage issues. I would have definitely benefitted from being molested by Michelle Pfeiffer.
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