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Tim Lieder

[ website | Dybbuk Press ]
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Worried about Mom again [Nov. 30th, 2016|03:25 pm]
Tim Lieder
Mom has not left her room all month. She didn't even go to cousin Roger's for Thanksgiving. She only left to go to the doctor who confirmed that she had low blood pressure but also talked about how she had anemia and high blood sugar. There might be that kind of dementia when she stops being able to walk, but mostly it could also be the fact that she is depressed. We have argued about this in the last month.

I am also being superstitious about November. For a long time when I was a kid, all of my relatives died in November. Uncle Richard. Uncle Larry. Grandmother and my 15-year old cousin. So it's the last day of November and I am worried about Mom's health.

Yesterday she sounded better and she also called me today to say that she was going to get out of her room because she doesn't want them to take her to the hospital. Of course, if they took her to the hospital they might be able to fill her with fluids and get her stabilized and maybe even find something else like a bladder infection.

On the other hand, I think that a lot of this is her pattern. Well before she had these health problems where she stopped being able to walk without walkers and canes, she would spend many days or even weeks in her room. And Trump winning the election combined with the fact that Aunt Sharon not calling her (for a very good reason - Aunt Sharon just had heart surgery and Mom stresses her out - which would be especially true now that Aunt Sharon is a Trump supporter and he just won the election) combined with the low blood pressure definitely serves as a trigger.

So that's been pretty much on my mind. Well hopefully she will either get out and about because the nurses want her to be hospitalized or she will be sent to the ER.
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Do I have a shitty therapist? [Nov. 15th, 2016|12:31 pm]
Tim Lieder
That's not a question that anyone else should be answering. I don't know what it's called but it's the opposite of a rhetorical question. I am asking myself this question. I have noticed that a great deal of my therapy sessions have involved me trying to please my therapist. In fact I have been processing her verbiage in order to come up with the thing to say that will make her happy. I noticed that I was doing this early in the sessions and while she had some interesting insights (including the big one about how I am programmed to defend hostile and messed up people from growing up with my mom as "the mean scary woman that yelled at all the kids when they were playing outside her window") but I am noticing a trend where I will talk about something and she will change the subject. And then she will mention what I was complaining about in a tone of voice that states that it's not important.

Yesterday she asked me how I'm any different than Susan Sarandon (whom I was hating on for her lotus out of the mud statement) and then spend about the last 10 minutes talking about how i have the power and even telling me that I could control my diabetes with tumeric (apparently that works) should I lose my health insurance and then to imagine myself rich enough to afford health insurance. So it was like she recommending that I become a narcissist.

That was the problem with yesterday. I come in all messed up over Trump and health insurance and then she steered it to faith matters and why I quit Xianity and why I don't want to be so part of one group that I can't also move between groups. I am slightly grateful not to belong to any one group because then I can fit in to many groups. I don't have to choose my tribe so to speak.

At which point she went off the rails with shitty comparisons to Susan Sarandon (how the fuck does that make me like Susan Sarandon) and talking about how all my concerns are external and there are internal things I can be working on like diet and exercise that will totally reverse diabetes. Some truth but mostly a fat lot of "fuck your worries, I'm going to babble" and she babbled.

She even complimented me for coming in on time because she busted me for being late last week. Only last week I felt like I was lying because I came up with a bullshit "I love drama" for running late, but really I don't want to be in this therapy.

I have been thinking that I have not wanted to be in this therapy because I am confronting uncomfortable truths, but now I think it's because I talk about what is going on with my life, what I am worried about and she fucking derails it with some bullshit about how I am not talking about myself but when I talk about what I am reading or what I am watching or what is going on - I AM talking about myself because this shit matters to me.

So I feel like she is imposing an agenda on me. Like she can't be bothered to listen to what I am ACTUALLY worried about because she's too busy skipping ahead to the topic of what she thinks about what I should be worried about. So instead of talking about what I want to talk about and exploring it, I am getting ignored. My health insurance is paying for me to talk to someone who ignores my problems and just wants to talk about her shit.

Now, this might be a tactic. Maybe she is being a rude shit in order to get me to stop taking her seriously and to stand up for myself. That is me giving her the benefit of the doubt. But honestly, I mostly think that she is incompetent.

Thus, the reason why I am late for therapy all the time is because I don't know how good it's doing and I am starting to suspect that it's a waste of time. I go to therapy on the off-chance that it can still help, but I'm not exactly enthusiastic about getting there. And either -
1. I am going through a difficult part of the process and it just needs to be worked through, or
2. I am dealing with a completely incompetent therapist in a shit therapy place that can't even hire a fucking receptionist.
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Trick to staying off of Facebook [Nov. 6th, 2016|10:49 pm]
Tim Lieder
I had a friend and it got very intense at the beginning of the year, one of those desperate crazy infatuations where you want to know everything about her and you want to tell her everything. It was one of those things that just turned into an obsession fast and I realized that I needed therapy. It was too much for either of us, too intense, too dysfunctional. I rather like how Crazy Ex-Girlfriend critics note that while the main character is chasing after a guy who is not good for her (even if he is perfectly nice in his own way) the fact that she got excited and chased after him is a step out of her funk and something that works.

So that's this woman. I know that I can't be chasing after her and I know that it was dysfunctional and when she cut it off I whined hard about it but after a day I realized that she was right. I let myself hang on too long before and nothing good would come of it. So we stopped being friends. I wished her well. She wised me well. that was it. I didn't want it like that but I suppose it's for the best.

I just got the courage to send her a friend's request.

The problem is that I might be doing it prematurely. I think that I'm ready to be friends with her without it turning into the obsessive crush. But I've lied to myself like this before. I am very good at lying to myself. I also think that there is a possibility that she will say no. It will be a very kind no. It will be an "I wish you well" no, but it will be a no. Or it might be a "leave me alone" no but I don't know. So either she says yes and there's a risk of it all just going back to that crap that I don't want (I have had therapy but how much) or she says no and I'm crushed.

I have three messages in my FB inbox. I accidentally saw that when I thought I was clicking on a share function. One is most likely from her. I didn't see the Friend icon lit up, but that thing is weird. It sometimes tells me someone accepts a friend request and other times it just tells me when someone wants to be friends with me.

If she says yes, cool (for now but at a distance) and if she says no then I'm going to be sad about it. I don't know if I am going to be depressed because I don't really expect her to say yes and that might be self-loathing but it might also be respect for her maturity and ability to know when it is best to disappoint.

Either way I don't want to know until after Tuesday night. If Hillary wins then I will be happy enough to deal with disappointment. (and I will be rushing out to Javits Center to join that outdoor crowd of people who can't get in. I assume there will be a party). And if Hillary loses then we are all fucked. So my personal angst won't really mean much, now will it?
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Exhausting Friends [Nov. 5th, 2016|10:01 pm]
Tim Lieder
I ran into an old friend on Shabbos and we talked for awhile, but this friend is exhausting. And I realized why he is exhausting is the fact that he never listens to a thing I say. Hell, I stopped taking phone calls from him (yes, he calls in 2016. Who the fuck does that?) because he would just talk about his comedy, his scripts and his obsession with one particular woman. It was always that same chatter. She's hot, she's bitchy, what do I know about her? And he totally felt a vibe like he could fuck her. For 2 years he kept up the same patter. And today in shul one girl said hello to him and then he talked at her a bit outside (there's a lot of fine women at this shul - that's what he said - to her) and then when he came over for Shabbos lunch (I had extra food and I again fucked up the crock pot - I think a small crockpot is crap for Shabbos cooking unless I also put it on a timer) he wouldn't shut up about this new woman. But it was all about how hot she was and what did I know about her. Nothing about her personality which he didn't know or what she likes or her ambitions.

But I guess I accepted this. He does stand up now. He broke up with his girlfriend after she had a daughter (or she broke it off with him and it got very dysfunctional). He is completely irresponsible and doesn't really talk to people. He talks at them. When he was begging his friends to come visit him in the Bronx because he hadn't seen anyone in a long time, my friend and I went up there and he spent the entire time working on his business stuff (he had a business once) and pretty much just ignored us while we watched Conan the Destroyer (not even the good Conan movie). And every time I try to talk to him he interrupts me all the time to talk about his bullshit and at least half the time when I say something he goes "oh...really?" in that fake interest way. But he didn't hear a fucking thing I just said. He just said that in order to seem like he was interested, like I was some drunk girl that he was trying to fuck in a after midnight diner.

I don't even bring up the fact that when I asked him to look after my cats, they could have died because he never showed up and now my roommate insists on taking care of them (and not letting anyone else in the apartment). Why the fuck would I?

He also showed me his sitcom pilot. My main advice was to change the genders because then it sounds marginally less misogynist. The first couple pages have an arguing couple with the one character being woken by a toddler throwing shit diapers in his face (when I said that this was a terrible idea I got the "It happened" excuse which is Creative Writing 101 move) and then it was all a bunch of people talking like bad parodies of NWA songs. Yo fuck this. You gonna change your diaper. I hit that. (and again - "I live in Brooklyn where people all talk like that") and this couple disappears for another boring sexist couple and apparently he based the one character on himself, but it is still the poor put-upon guy who is way cool and why are all these bitches after him.

Although he did tell me that he knew a comic book artist who worked for Todd McFarlane and that these artists used Playboy magazine pictures as models for the way they draw women. He said it like it was a profound insight into the art of comic books and not something stupid that comic books should really stop doing.

But it was good to see an old friend, especially if it's only a couple times a year.
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Rape Culture and sex education tropes [Oct. 10th, 2016|04:06 am]
Tim Lieder
So I have seen many stories about sexual assault and I have even seen stories where the author talked about how he didn't know if he was a rapist or not, but he certainly participated in a sexual assault on a 12-year old girl when he was 12. I do remember seeing these kinds of things and wondering why I didn't have the courage to participate (thank god I didn't). I also remember all those night clubs where the standard behavior seemed to involve a lot of dudes grinding up against women and that confused the hell out of me - I mean I was just there and dancing whatever, but was it cool to grind up against women like that? Did the night club culture mean that dry humping was great? I mean if the women were there expecting to get dry humped that was ok to dry hump right? I didn't do much of that (it was called "booty dancing" I believe) and it was just uncomfortable all around.

I had all of these rape culture attitudes. I just didn't act on them. And I didn't act on them because I was scared of acting on them, because I want to think that I had enough of a conscience but I think there was also an awkwardness about it. Would there have been a time when I could have heard a Donald Trump bragging about how fame means that he can just grab women and think that was cool? And I do remember thinking that I needed to GET LAID and that the only way I could get laid would be if a woman was too drunk to know any better (not quite like Bill Cosby but yeah I fantasized about the murky consent). And then of course, when I did GET LAID finally it was disappointing (but the story around it was funny - she had broken up with her boyfriend and was horny, asked her aunt - who was only 2 years older than her because big family - if there was anyone she knew that wanted to get laid and her aunt thought of me because I was a whiny bastard that summer)

And for that point when I got all shomer negia and religious, I was still possessed of such an attitude. I was just trying to enforce it in a way that made sense at the time. Took me awhile to realize (and argue) that those Chabad guys who were angrily demanding that the strippers give them a lesbian show or their money back were NOT an aberration of the ultra-frum lifestyle but a pretty solid manifestation. I was just romanticizing it because I had heartbreak and so I was vulnerable to stupid books with stupid arguments like The Magic Touch.

But here's the thing - the aspect of rape culture that bothers me right now (there are a LOT of aspects of rape culture that bother me) is the early sex education. It was always strange to hear people fighting against sex education. They seemed to think that sex education was WAY more cool than it was. The abstinence-only educators and the ultra-religious types were totally rape culture. Hell, the "no wonder no one respects her, look what she's wearing" is pretty much tied in with tznius talks. Now tznius is fine and there's a nice method to not have everyone on display and judged by appearance and why the hell did I have to see Margot Robie's ass all the way through Suicide Squad? I mean she's a great actress but the camera kept telling me that her entire worth was in her body. Which is very ironic considering the villain ended up gyrating in front of a blue screen while wearing a bikini and she was so fucking boring that I just dozed off whenever she was on camera.

Forget about the prudes. We live in a Puritan country and we are going to welcome the more prudish ideas including the rather horrible ones about dress taught by rabbis and priests throughout the United States.

What bothers me is the "you would if you loved me" part of sex ed. After the talk about "plumbing" and birth control and even after the part about sexual assault (which I remember as one where we had a grand old time joking about it - don't know what we said but it was very amusing in the 10th grade) and the ways your genitals could fall off (including a film on STDs that was filmed in the 70s and includes the ugly dude going "I don't have to worry. I don't have sex - that often" and I'm sitting there going "THAT guy can get laid and not me?") there was the talk about SAYING NO to your boyfriend. Always the boyfriend. Always the cute ways to get around coercion.

And yes, that was important, but why in the living fuck did this part of the sex ed just assume that teenage boys were going to be all coercive and creepy and guilt-inducing and all the girls were going to go "no no, not until we're married"? Oh sure, that's societal expectations and part of the culture, but also part of the rape culture. Better that the teachers leveled with us and assumed the real item which was that EVERYONE in the class was horny and that everyone had reasons to NOT have sex that were perfectly valid. Maybe you want emotional intimacy before physical intimacy. Maybe you don't want to get pregnant or feel responsible for it. You know, the same considerations that adults have.

And then instead of this Coercion vs. Standing Up For Your Virginity Male/Female struggle (which is kind of lame to begin with because some people are better at resisting coercion than others - and so every teenage girl who has sex is automatically assumed to have low self-esteem, because why else would she fuck a teenage boy?) there could be a talk about consent, and enthusiastic consent and how to enjoy "everything but" for as long as you don't want to have sex and whatever that means (I am not talking about religious teenagers who don't believe in premarital handshakes obviously now. I am talking about WASP teenagers from the suburbs in my personal anecdotes but pretty much people who might have some religious qualms that are not mocked). And then choosing the right moment and the ability to WANT sex without making it into the ONLY part of the relationship - as in "sure you're horny but there's more to being with someone than fucking so cool it and stop putting so much pressure on yourself and your girlfriend/boyfriend".

And then we can get to the real sex ed which involves butt plugs, finger fucking, how to ease into anal, where to put the pillows to avoid neck strain, etc.

And that way we can avoid this bullshit conversation about what to do when the boy pressures the girl into sex and uses lines like "you would if you loved me" because fucking hell, that's just rape culture bullshit and the boy is only going to learn to stop doing that shit if he gets his ass dumped.

As stupid as I was about women (see above - also note that I was reading a LOT of Piers Anthony at the time) I still knew that "you would if you loved me" was a shitbag coercive move and that only a truly crappy human being would use it.

Of course, everyone learns how to masturbate around age 12 so it's not like one NEEDS to be fucking for an orgasm. (I did once say in a college discussion of sexuality - the last one I participated in and the only one that actually had some interesting information - was that if I didn't have the emotional component when it came to sex I could do it myself - and then I never heard the end of it. Doing it, no big deal. Admitting to it was a source of much rejoicing).
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Amazon Vine has changed its style [Oct. 7th, 2016|12:58 am]
Tim Lieder
I was just getting used to the "review it or don't get anything new" way of Amazon Vine. Considering that I was bitching about it a few years ago and someone even quoted me as saying that most Amazon Vine reviewers were probably just skimming in order to keep getting new books (something that I am guilty of at times - but not often). But I was actually liking the way that I could not get new books once I was caught with the "review within 30 days or forget about getting new books" way. So I would know that I couldn't get new books regardless and thus went for broke when I caught up.

So then I would have about 20-30 books on top of my bookshelf designated as Vine books and once I read them all (or reviewed them all - I read maybe half of the books all the way through - maybe a little more - regardless if I hate a book I don't have to read the whole thing to talk about how much I hate it. You don't have to eat the whole egg to know it's rotten) I could get new books and things. And then I would try to get as many as possible.

But now I can get new Amazon Vine products and most of the products in my queue are NOT books. They are shirts and bathroom carpets and electronics. So I get free stuff. And I review free stuff.

The Vine for All tag is also there. Officially I can't get more than 5 products from my queue but I can get all the products I want from the Vine for All. Only there are at least a dozen products in that Vine for All section that I have seen the last time I was grabbing books from Vine (like back in March?). And I reviewed those books. I have those books.

That's probably why Amazon Vine stopped holding everyone to reviewing all the products within 30 days. Or maybe they still do. I really don't get the new rules. But the "review it within 30 days or don't get anything new" was probably just leaving a lot of publishers and businesses sitting around waiting for their products to get the reviews that they are so eager to see on Amazon (because what the hell, we are all trying to get those fucking reviews - speaking of which go review Sugarplum Zombie Motherfuckers already.)
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I do have an alternate FB identity [Oct. 5th, 2016|01:08 pm]
Tim Lieder
It's a stupid fake of my name (Tyme is the first name and I'm FB friends with it if you want to find it) and while I think that I should change it to Tim W. Lieder, I don't really want to pull that trigger. That's pretty much my backup identity and for now I just use it to find out who has blocked me and who has just ended their FB posts.

Since a friend just got placed on permanent suspension and had to use a backup identity, I think I should have that for that purpose. But right now I think I am pretty ok with not being able to post on Facebook for a few days. They gave me a three day suspension. I was getting really cranky and this fucking Trump campaign is getting under my skin. If that fake goth Cathy Brennan can get me suspended for a couple days, I suppose it will save my blood pressure.

Then again, I think I might want to get on that account, friend the few people that I want to keep around and just wait it out. Actually it's only another 2 days and 20 hours.

Still I would like to complain about how the movie Exodus is very goyish, like they even have a shiksa nurse as the main character and she is given the assignment and says that she doesn't like Jews and they make her uncomfortable. So even with Jews, Hollywood needs a white perspective character. Ok, it's a 60s movie so why not? Paul Newman is at least partially Jewish. I think. Ok, I'm going by the Adam Sandler song. Such a stupid song.

(also I hear strains of that Pat Boone song that is used to score that cartoon with a bunch of different groups killing each other in Israel throughout history. It's a funny video that some people take way too seriously).
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On the Goth Credentials of Cathy Brennan, Transphobic Bully and All Around Terrible Human Being [Oct. 5th, 2016|12:44 pm]
Tim Lieder
I have been put in Facebook timeout. And there were many times when I would have been put in FB timeout in the past, but this time I was put in FB timeout for posting and article from the AV Club and then writing "Cathy Brennan is a fake goth." That's it. Actually I even spelled her name wrong. I spelled it with a K. But today I went to log onto FB and there was that "you have been put in timeout" message and of course, I "violated community standards" by stating that Cathy Brennan is a fake goth.

For more on Cathy Brennan's disgusting transphobia and activities, check out http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Cathy_Brennan for a good overview.

Now I could be upset about FB standards. I could find it ridiculous that Cathy Brennan, a public figure who has fought hard to become a public figure, is going around attempting to get every FB post taken down for stating that she is a fake goth (and if you are on FB, feel free to share this as much as you can - but be warned that you might get in a FB timeout). Of course, Facebook has been arbitrary for years. Complain about someone calling Hillary Clinton a cunt or someone posting pictures with Hitler and you get to find out right away that it does not violate community service. Cathy Brennan gets called a fake goth and the FB Terms of Service team are all up on your ass. At this point, I wonder if the Facebook Community Standards police are being paid off by Cathy Brennan.

Of course, there was also a time when Nick Pacione was complaining about people talking about him on Livejournal and getting those LJ's taken down or suspended. Eventually he was declared a public figure (because he had become a public figure through means that no one should emulate) and considered fair game. I bring this up not because I want to trash Pacione (the man is mentally ill and hurts himself too much) but because I find this kind of standard where certain people are capable of getting the Community Standards folks to do their bidding while others can be doxxed and harassed repeatedly to be horrible.

Now who is Cathy Brennan? She is a trasphobic "feminist" who has taken to harassing and bullying transgender teenagers online. She is in that 80s essentialist feminist mode (Victorian feminists were NOT essentialist no matter what the Dworkin/MacKinnon crowd states) where women are "naturally" caring and full of empathy and men are naturally rapists. So for Cathy Brennan a transman is a self-hating woman and a transwoman is a delusional idiot at best and a rapist trying to rape women in the bathroom most likely.

If you google her name, the first article is from her blog and it goes "Sorry about your penis" - so haha, transgender people are so delusional. She is also a lawyer in Baltimore whose entire career consists of suing sites like After Ellen for defamation.

For a better view of her there is this article -

So, Cathy Brennan. She’s a Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist (TERF) who is notorious within the trans community for her website “Gender Identity Watch” and its affiliated Facebook pages. On the Facebook pages, there has been a history of outing and harassing trans women. Brennan also appears in meatspace, with one notable picture of her holding a paper cutout of a person with the crotch circled, and the text reading, “Sorry about your dick.”
So she is active on Facebook and spreading.

So if you are my FB friend as well as my LJ friend, don't just write that she is a fake goth. Report every fucking thing she posts to Facebook as a violation of Community standards. Granted, Facebook has been paid off and is crawling up Cathy Brennan's non-goth ass, but maybe enough people getting on her for violation of standards might make them notice her bullying technique.

Or maybe FB is full of TERFs who agree with her. At least in the very fucked up Community Standards.

I suppose it should not be explained that "Cathy Brennan is a fake goth" pissing that woman off is hilarious and effective for various reasons. First, she is really a horrible person who is engaged in harassment and bullying and transphobia - like proud transphobia that cannot be swayed or debated. She continued to harass a transgender teenager long after the teenager was put on suicide watch. But those are things that Cathy Brennan is proud of. It's like criticizing Trump for being a racist demagogue. He doesn't give a fuck. So you focus on his hands and his lack of money and you call him Donald to get under his skin.

But also who the fuck cares if they are called a "fake goth"? There are teenagers who have stocked up on enough black mascara to survive the apocalypse who don't give a fuck if you think that they are genuine goths. I actually don't know why Cathy Brennan reacts so strongly to being called a fake goth, but she sure does react strongly.

I wonder if she has a blog post explaining why she is a genuine goth. Or why calling her a fake goth is harassment and/or bullying (and why it matters more to her than transphobia - beyond the fact that it's an attack on her and like all good psychopaths she is more concerned with minor slights against her rather than any attacks she makes against others) because at least that would make the Facebook Community Standards decision seem less arbitrary and pathetic.
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Another go. [Sep. 23rd, 2016|02:38 pm]
Tim Lieder
I have always liked Christmas, the presents, the tree, the family gathering. I still love the lights and the decorations and the snow. Christmas isn’t about Jesus. Christmas is about presents and retail stores and crass commercialism. Christmas is about Chinese food and movies. Christmas is about Santa Claus and weird elves who only make wooden toys. Christmas gave us Ebeneezer Scrooge, the Star Wars Holiday Special, at least two decent Doctor Who episodes and several Elvis records.
Yet, as much as I adore Christmas, I have to admit that it’s annoying. How many times can you hear someone bitch about commercialism? Do you really need to be ordered to have a merry Christmas? How soon before we see that meme that claims that if you hear Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah or Happy Kwanzaa, you should just accept it lest you be considered a jerk? How many non-Jews get wished a Happy Hanukkah? Don’t forget that one friend from high school that you friended on Facebook who still believes in the War on Christmas.
Still, Christmas is a magical time when friends gather to watch zombies fucking and fathers tell their children heartwarming stories of murder.
“Santa Claus Dies” was originally published in Spinetinglers in December 2012. The presence of an evil teddy bear came from my perpetual disappointment with naming a short story collection Teddy Bear Cannibal Massacre and not being able to include a killer teddy bear story. This was the first multi-author short story collection I ever edited and by the time I got it into print, I was just happy that it was finished.
“The Christmas Video” began as a short story for my creative writing class. I take perverse pride in how it offended everyone including the teacher who had been stressing freedom of expression. There’s a bit of an Aristocrats vibe to it, but ultimately it’s very heartwarming. It was first published in the Undead of Winter anthology, edited by Armand Rosamilia. It was also reprinted in Big Pulp, which was a great series of collections put out by Bill Olver.
This is the first publication of “The Man in the Red Suit,” which began as a tribute to E.T.A. Hoffmann’s “The Sandman” and became much grimmer. Even as Santa Claus provides a template for a children’s monster, true horrors are perpetuated by humans. “The Man in the Red Suit” has bothered me for years because even though it is one of my favorites, I can’t sell it. If it had been another story, I would have pulled it from circulation. I have often re-read a story that has failed to sell with a feeling of relief, knowing that I would have been embarrassed to see it out in the world. This particular story defies my harsh self-criticism. I am far from objective, but no matter how many times I print it out to edit, I cannot hate it enough to abandon it. In fact, I like it more every time I read it.
Final note - “The Man in the Red Suit” references Muslims as Mohammedans and Saracens and depicts Islamophobic characters. It is not and it should not be read as an endorsement of Islamophobia. If you want support in hating Muslims, go find your local twitter account or Trump supporter. Or just stop hating Muslims.
I'm almost proud of myself for not rehashing WHY I couldn't get a killer teddy bear story for TBCM. Then I remember that it was over 10 years ago and I should not take pride in not holding grudges for over a decade.
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Oh yeah. [Sep. 23rd, 2016|12:53 am]
Tim Lieder
Here is the cover to that collection. It's a public domain Santa Claus that I tweaked. It was originally the cover of a shopping catalog. I had to take the lettering off the hat and then make the hat look presentable. There was also a yellow background with children's faces but they didn't look creepy enough so I covered them up.

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Sugarplum Zombie Motherfuckers Introduction [Sep. 23rd, 2016|12:49 am]
Tim Lieder
I just went over this a couple times. I really want to just put it up with the three short stories that I am going to self-publish (two are reprints. One is an original that no one fucking buys). But I know that I should ask for advice and a second set of eyes. So here it goes -
I have always liked Christmas. When I was a kid, I enjoyed the presents and the family gatherings. I still love the lights and the trees and the snow. Don’t believe that Christmas is about Jesus. Christmas is about presents and retail stores and crass commercialism. Christmas is about Chinese food and movies. Christmas is about Santa Claus and those weird elves and all those holiday specials. Christmas gave us Ebeneezer Scrooge, the Star Wars Holiday Special, one or two decent Doctor Who episodes and several Elvis records.
Yet, as much as I adore Christmas, I have to admit that it’s an annoying holiday. How many times can you hear someone bitch about commercialism? Do you really need to be ordered to have a merry Christmas? How soon before that meme that claims that if you hear Merry Christmas or Happy Hanukkah or Happy Kwanzaa, you should just accept it lest you be considered a jerk shows up? How many non-Jews get wished a Happy Hanukkah? Don’t forget that one friend from high school that you friended on Facebook who won’t shut up about the War on Christmas.
In other words, I have to write about Christmas as a time when friends gather to watch pornography and fathers tell their children heartwarming tales of murder.
“Santa Claus Dies” was originally published in Spinetinglers in December 2012. The presence of an evil teddy bear came from my perpetual disappointment with naming a short story collection Teddy Bear Cannibal Massacre and not being able to include a killer teddy bear story. This was the first multi-author short story collection I edited for Dybbuk Press and I really didn’t know what I was doing. By the time I got it into print, I was just happy that it was finished.
“The Christmas Video” began as a short story for my creative writing class. I take perverse pride in offending everyone in the class including the teacher who had been stressing freedom of expression. There’s a bit of an Aristocrats vibe to it, but ultimately it’s heartwarming. Ok, I think it’s heartwarming. It was first published in the Undead of Winter anthology, edited by Armand Rosamilia. It was also reprinted in Big Pulp, which was a great series of collections put out by Bill Olver.
This is the first publication of “The Man in the Red Suit,” which began as a tribute to E.T.A. Hoffmann’s “The Sandman” and became much grimmer. Even as Santa Claus provides a template for a children’s monster, true horrors are perpetuated by humans. “The Man in the Red Suit” has bothered me for years because even though it is one of my favorite stories, I can’t seem to sell it. With other stories that I can’t sell, I eventually pull them from circulation. Often I find that a story that I’ve been sending out for years has some serious issues that fill me with relief to know that it never saw publication. Only this story defies my normal disgust with my writing. I am far from objective, but no matter how many times I print it out and edit it, I cannot hate it enough to give up on it. In fact, I like it more every time I read it.
Final note - “The Man in the Red Suit” references Muslims as Mohammedans and Saracens and depicts Islamophobic characters. It is not and it should not be read as an endorsement of Islamophobia. If you want support in hating Muslims, go find your local twitter account or Trump supporter. Or just stop hating Muslims. And get off the alt-right or MRA message boards while you’re at it.
So does it flow well? Too smug? Too crass? Do I need that caveat at the end? I kept rewriting that one because I don't want to draw too much attention to the fact that it's a story about the Serbian genocide told from the perspective of a woman who sees it all as a fairy tale (because spoilers) but I have had editors mention that there are certain prejudices in the story that need to be explained as depiction, not endorsement. I even went so far as to apologize to anyone who would get offended - but then that sounded like "I'm sorry you can't read the story and get the point" and I don't want to be that douchebag. Of course, in the year of Trump, I am way more worried about someone reading the story and going "Yeah! Fuck the Muslims!" and while I want to say that if this is your attitude, please kill your Islamophobic self, I've used that line too many times.

So notes?
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Potential Client sounds like a disaster [Sep. 22nd, 2016|11:51 am]
Tim Lieder
Got an email from a client who wants to write articles to put on social media. Her first article is going to be about her experience as a juror. Only she wants to call me and then go back and forth with the editing. It just seems like a big headache and I don't even know if I could do it that way.

She also wants to talk on the phone. I really don't know if I can handle this client in the first place. She also just replied to the automated craigslist email address instead of my direct address. Oh well, I suppose I can ask a few more questions and maybe see where it goes.

Still this looks like the disaster. Oh well. I got time.
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Titles [Sep. 18th, 2016|01:48 pm]
Tim Lieder
So after years of trying to sell a story that I am quite fond of - too fond of to just throw back in the pile - I am self-publishing it with two other Xmas themed horror stories. I pretty much need to upload these to Kindle before October and since I have a collection of three stories, I want to title the whole thing instead of just putting up the titles to the stories (Santa Claus Dies, The Xmas Video, The Man in the Red Suit) especially since I kind of need an introduction (one of the reasons why no one is buying Man in the Red Suit was that I am referencing "Mohammedan invaders" and if someone else bought it I would let it stand, but since I'm putting it out myself, I kind of want to avoid Poe's Law problems and state that I am writing about characters who hate Muslims to the point of joining militias in order to murder them in Bosnia. I am NOT endorsing that behavior. I would like to think that's self-evident but we are living in the year of Trump and I just read a book about the Bacon Rebellion written in 1900 where the author had no irony in mind when she talked about how the heroic Bacon slaughtered Indian camps. That bitch even wrote gleefully about a couple of Bacon's followers kidnapping an old woman and forcing her to lead them to her companion and when they found out that she was leading them in the wrong direction beat her to death).

So yes, The Man in the Red Suit will be available on Kindle soon. And since I want people to read it I will make it free for a week and spend money to promote it (no more than $100, probably $50).

But I want to title these works, and this is what I came up with -
Horrors of Xmas
Xmas Horror Stories
Zombies Fucking and Other Xmas Tales
Bloody Xmas
Silent Night Deadly Night
Dancer and Prancer and Zombies
Sugarplum Zombie Motherfuckers
The Man in the Read Suit
His Breath will Smell of Milk and Hell will Follow
Fucked Up Christmas Stories
Xmas Tales to Delight and Astound
Merry Xmas Motherfucker
Santa Claus Bloody and Terrible
Blood Santa Claus
Santa Claus Dies and other Tales
Rudolph the Red Nosed Communist Bear
Black Xmas
Red xmas
Xmas Tales for Perverts
Xmas Tales for Disturbed Children
The Cold Time
Sorrow and Death and Xmas
Bloody Xmas Stories
Satan says Merry Xmas
Merry Xmas Shitheads
Xmas Time Deadly Time
The Demon who Rode in a Flying Sleigh –
His Face Bloody Red, His Breath Reeking of Sour Milk

The last two are from a sentence in Man in the Red Suit. I could shorten the one to "The Demon in the Flying Sleigh" but that seems a little generic. I like the last one but about half of the people I asked about it said that it was too wordy (although the hold out really loved it).

The rest seem pretty generic. I think that "Fucked Up Xmas Stories" was my first instinct but now it just seems like that (profanity) (Subject) cliche.
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Comedians [Sep. 17th, 2016|09:04 pm]
Tim Lieder
I am not altogether certain if I am writing this from a good place. I suspect that if I was more sure of myself, I could write one of those thinkpieces that your friends share on FB but not always because they like it, mostly along the lines of 'look what this sexist prick thinks' and I know that I am questioning the creative process and I could be wrong. I feel all kinds of wrong saying this (also see your prudish friend going "I'm not a prude but why do comedians have to be so dirty?")

I went to a comedy club a few weeks ago and without fail, every female comedian had to tell a story about fucking. I laughed appreciatively but I also wondered WHY I was laughing. It seemed more like I was appreciating the image of some guy going down on the comic more than I was appreciating the clever way she was telling the story. Were her jokes all that funny or was it just masturbatory fodder?

Am I just being judgmental? They might very well be telling the most personal stories in their arsenal. Certainly there was a point before Margaret Cho was pandering to the audience where her material was funny because it was personal and embarrassing. Yet, I felt like the comics were relying on sex in order to turn every straight guy and gay woman in the audience to their side. It felt like I was watching the equivalent of a Hooters waitress being very nice to the customers who were ordering curly fries.

Maybe that's on me. I guess I keep saying that.

So might as well say that I don't like hot female comedians who are mostly telling sex jokes because it seems like they are pandering to the audience and the audience's wish to think about the hot female comedians naked. That's not to say that hot female comedians can't be funny talking about sex but it just seems like they are going for the easy jokes, like when male comedians throw out sexist bullshit about their ex-wives.
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Fake Phone Numbers? [Sep. 16th, 2016|12:27 am]
Tim Lieder
So there were two nights when I got calls after midnight and several calls after midnight. Some fucker is giving away my number. The most puzzling one is from Bill Oman, aka my dad. But I got that call around the same time I was getting scam calls from places that google is telling me are attempts at stealing my information and the Trump campaign.

Today I got a series of calls from a number that is listed as Timothy Beal, only when I answered it was the silence and then "hello! Hello!" that you get when a telemarketer calls you. Of course, it's very possible that Timothy Beal is calling everyone who is friends with Brian Keene and has a automatic dialer so that the first person who picks up is going to get the voice. I also got calls from the Hillary Clinton campaign (also silent) and about three calls from a second number that is ALSO listed as my Dad.

So is someone copying numbers so they show up on my phone as those numbers? Or did everyone decide that one hour in the middle of the day was the hour to call me and call me repeatedly?

Either way I called up my Dad's number and sure enough it is his number. I said I was ok with talking to him but he needed to call at a decent hour. Of course, if he wasn't the one calling - like it was a fake number - then he would not know where to call me, but oh well. It's not like he has really been all that eager to get in touch with me before.

And if they were going to fake numbers, why wouldn't they fake my mom's number or a number in my contacts list like an ex-girlfriend. I probably wouldn't want to talk to the ex-girlfriend but I would definitely pick up from sheer confusion alone.
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So now Timothy Beal is calling my number [Sep. 15th, 2016|07:44 pm]
Tim Lieder
I really have to figure out how to get my number off of online. Anyhow Timothy Beal has decided to call it. How do I know, because I got repeated calls from 818-259-8375 and googled it.

That number belongs to a lot of California businesses including a locksmith company. But the main one it belongs to is Timothy Beal "talent agent" who wants to prove that he's not the psychotic stalker asshole that Brian Keene claims he is by - wait for it - stalking people. I know this because on Fred Williamson's website the contact information is given as
Anyone interested in booking Hammer for films, commercials, television projects or appearances –
Universal Talent Bookings, Agent –Timothy Beal – 818-259-8375 or
So Fred Williamson if you are reading this, get an agent who isn't a fucking psycho. Seriously dude, you were great in From Dusk Til Dawn and your career really could use a few more roles. You deserve way better than this asshole.

Now to find out where my number is.

Sadly, most of the information about Beal comes from sites like http://www.ripoffreport.com/r/Timothy-Beal/nationwide/TIMOTHY-BEAL-Phony-Agent-Actor-Casting-Director-Producer-Spokesperson-WWE-Wrestler-a-1226362 which are basically just trying to hurt his feelings. I really don't see why an agent sleeping in his car is supposed to be a damning piece of information. Everyone has to hustle. And who gives a fuck if he has bad breath?

I just find the whole thought of this guy stalking everyone who even listens to anyone who criticizes him to be odious. Hell, he might be the greatest agent in the world (although the lack of movie roles for Fred Williamson suggests otherwise) but he has decided to go the thin-skin stalker route.
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In this edition of name and shame - Timothy Beal - [Sep. 13th, 2016|07:27 pm]
Tim Lieder
Apparently my friend Brian talked about Timothy Beal, a nobody who claims to be a talent agent, but spends all of his time harassing people online. Apparently everyone who liked Brian's podcast received messages from this guy. So today I got mine. And it is fucking long, just goes on forever. It's like Timothy Beal can't be bothered to write coherently. Nope. He has to go on and on. That's Timothy Beal, a guy who calls himself a talent agent but is really just crazy.

Anyhow, here is the tail end of it
William and Nick,
This from Stuart
‎ESCROW PROCESS (“Escrow Agent”) The escrow account will be with a
Florida Bar IOTA Trust Account established under the law firms name
utilizing the Florida Bar’s federal tax identification number. This
IOTA Trust Account is governed by the Florida Bar Association and
subject to their annual compliance certificate with Florida law.
Again we reinerate this is not our account, this is a third party
Escrow account .
If you guys don't understand something please take the time to ask
questions without assuming things .
A film Fund I work with was going to finance William's films . the process is a 20-80 financial deal. William's side would have had to deposit 20% of their Budget into a THIRD PARTY ESCROW ACCOUNT . NO ONE AT ANY TIME asked William for his Account Information. I wonder if William realizes , you used his name in a defamatory and slanderous type of way on your show? And if William did indeed tell you that I or anyone from my side ever asked him for his account information then he is a LIAR.
Lets see what else did you discuss? I have covered Sizemore, Nash, William, Melanie ,
MY CLIENT FRED THE HAMMER WILLIAMSON if you are really a glutton for punishment, click awayCollapse )
Tim Lieder
No. Everyone finds you tedious and shitty. We believe brian because isnt sending threats.
Timothy Beal
Timothy Beal
If you could actually read you illiterate bastard you would see what I sent you is not a threat
And no one of importance believes anything Brian says

Well I guess that sure showed me. Anyhow That was Timothy Beal, a charming man who really should not play around in the genre field.
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Mom's cat and Uncle Junior [Sep. 4th, 2016|02:06 am]
Tim Lieder
Uncle Junior is dead. That's sad, but I think he might have been in his 90s or at least late 80s and I only met him once at his birthday/wedding anniversary which was a great time because I realized that I kind of like my trashy family in many ways. But that was his 75th birthday so he was at least 87 (I go by the fact that I have been in New York for 12 years and I was living in MN at the time).

What's worse is my mom's cat is just laying there and Mom is worried. He hasn't been moving and he's listless, but he's a three year old cat and really active most of the time. This is Wiggles whom Mom found outside her apartment building with a family of cats. She took in Wiggles and his brother and tried to find homes for his mother and other two brothers. The brother kitten died (it was the runt) but Wiggles was healthy. And really sweet. Actually this is bothering me more than if one of my cats was sick because Wiggles was young - and looked like Hitler - but also reminds me of Socrates. I really don't know Wiggles that well but he's my mom's favorite cat and I really like him.

Ok, I'm just having memories to when Socrates died. But Socrates spent a few days being listless before I took him into the vet. Socrates worried me because he wasn't sleeping near my face. My other cats are not nearly as affectionate (needy) and so two of them might sleep in the same bed with me, but they aren't going to get ridiculous about it. They are going to wander when they want.

Socrates started sleeping on the floor and when I took him into the vet they found a mass on his lungs. And they wanted me to put him to sleep but I took him home to let him die here. They tried to convince me that I was being selfish for wanting another day with my cat but I wasn't hearing them. I am still happy I didn't put him to sleep and then buried him behind the local church (my friend was working as a receptionist - apparently there's a pet cemetery back there - unofficial of course).

So I guess I really like Wiggles and if he dies I am going to be wrecked for the week. I hope he's going to be ok, but I've never had a cat recover. Most of the time they just get worse. And he's only a kitten.

It's my mom's cat and she has another one. And maybe she can replace Wiggles. I think I was kind of hoping I could take Wiggles one day (which is really morbid since that basically means that I'm anticipating my mom dying so I can get her cats) and hoping that my mom lasted until at least a couple of my 4 cats died (they are all pretty old and Wilhemina reminds me of Mom in not being able to walk right and being really bitchy). So yeah, that's all morbid speculation.

Anyhow, I gave my mom my care credit account number so I am never paying that thing off now. And I just hope he just swallowed a string and that he's just a little sick, but it could be anything - leukemia, epilepsy, diabetes, cancer.

But shit, that's a great cat.

At least that resolved my notion of wanting to go out. I really didn't feel like being sociable after I called and found out that Wiggles was in distress.
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Troilus & Cressida [Jul. 25th, 2016|01:29 am]
Tim Lieder
The thing about Shakespeare plays that you don't realize unless you are watching one that you didn't study in high school or college is just how messy they all are. Characters die between acts. Big reveals seem really convoluted but also kind of work. Some plays give you a lot of mistaken identities while other plays give you one character who just leads you through all the mistaken identity plots in one speech that basically goes "well they all figured it out and everyone is fine." Exit pursued by a bear is a real stage direction and very rarely are there clear cut heroes and villains. You can kind of see it in the popular ones. Oh sure MacBeth seems to be going to towards a tragic end for the character and once all those prophecies start happening you just know that they will be fulfilled in the worst way possible, but it's still a shock to have MacBeth going "ok Banquo suspects so I'm going to send off the assassins." Hamlet gets called the play about the prince who could not make up his mind, but it really can also be the play about an existential hero that is stuck in the middle of a revenge play (similar to the Frederic Wertham warning that children who read comic books would not be able to appreciate REAL LITERATURE about a girl and a boy sitting on a swing talking about their hopes and dreams because they are expecting a muscle bound mutant to throw these character through a window). And even in the histories, the decision of a POV character is weird. Amidst all that talk about martial virtue and not letting dad down the Henry cycle decides to focus on Falstaff who just doesn't give a fuck.

But Troilus and Cressida is one of those plays that people don't learn in school and tend not to read on their own so it is even more striking as an odd play. There's a love story but it ends almost as soon as it begins and the rest is about the teen angst of Cressida being seduced in the Greek camp. There's an Iliad basis but nothing seems to work in the same way as the Iliad since Ulysses is the main villain and the one who is driving Achilles into battle (in the play I saw Ulysses also outright kills Patroclus, thus making full use of the fact that the actor played the villain in Ant Man). There also seems to be a relief in the play towards the end that Shakespeare can just do the standard Iliad with some variations and just leave us with Troilus and then Cressida's uncle making speeches over the dead body of Hector.

Oddly enough even though I was mostly unfamiliar with the play before tonight, I think that a lot of it informed my reading of The Iliad, at least by high school, as if my high school English teacher was influenced by Shakespeare's interpretations and I pretty much agreed with her (she was a cool teacher) even when I read it and did papers about how Achilles is really showing the virtues of his society and that he is the hero who is terribly emotional. So would I have thought of Achilles as a petulant child, Odysseus/Ulysses as a scheming sonofabitch, Achilles and Patroclus as lovers or Hector as the truly sympathetic hero of the Iliad because he is the only one fighting for his family while everyone else is going for glory and cuckolds.

The first act of tonight's play was where all the new stuff seems to be integrated. We have Troilus and Cressida being set up by her uncle (who keeps them apart even though they are crazy for each other) and then they actually fuck - like there's no coy innuendo about it - only to see Cressida being carried off by the Greeks. Paris and Hector argue over Helen and there's a great deal of ambivalence with finally a strain of "fuck it, she's ours now" with Helen's one scene being played as if she is a barely coherent drunk prisoner who is watched constantly and barely keeps up her front as a happy love-struck wife. The Greek material was done with Ulysses being the only person who knew what was going on and Achilles as the happy gay bruiser who is induced into battle before Patroclus' death by his own ego and the fact that no one is asking him to join the fighting.

The second act is where things get weird and where I wish that they had not gone full modern dress. Maybe if they had gone Genesis of the Daleks war where everyone was running out of weapons it might have worked but as it stood, I couldn't reconcile the scenes where people stop to have an MMA fight, make temporary peace and then go into battle and talk throughout while firing guns. As the Nerdwriter video on Game of Thrones being stuck in the feudal ages because of dragons pointed out, cannons really changed warfare. You can't hide behind city walls if there are people outside with cannons who can destroy those walls. So everyone shooting each other makes little sense. Also it really doesn't matter how good of a fighter you are at hand-to-hand, that's not an advantage when you are shooting at each other. Although this kind of worked in one place where Achilles has his men kill Hector instead of killing him himself (as in the play). The love story that you think is going to be central dies a very ignoble death as Cressida cheats on Troilus with Diomedes - or strongly considers cheating on him to the point of giving him Troilus' gifts. And then breaks it off with Troilus almost a day after she saw him last.

And then we are on solid footing with the battles and they go mostly where the Iliad has them go. Ulysses kills Patroclus in order to get Achilles into the battle (a staging decision) and Achilles uses all his men to kill Hector. Hector tries to be fair and let people get away but then kills a guy outright and gets sick (fake vomit fyi) and talks about how he's tired of battle, which leaves him open to dying. Troilus tells everyone that they are fucked and then Pandorus gives the final monologue where he says taht everything is terrible and he will give the audience his plague.

So what else? I don't know really. Shakespeare certainly has an influential take on the Iliad and even Troilus who I was expecting to die at any moment towards the end - especially when he's fighting with Diomedes but gets one of the two big speeches. John Glover was great as Pandorus who seemed like he was going to have a bigger part but did not. Actually no one has that big of a part in the play. Maybe Achilles and Hector but they were always going to be the major players. Ulysses is definitely a major part and an actor's dream part but he spends a lot of time off to the side.

Regardless it was so much better than taming of the shrew.
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Pandering Misogynist Bullshit and The Taming of the Shrew, directed by Phyllida Lloyd [Jun. 14th, 2016|04:35 am]
Tim Lieder
When I found my friends after Taming of the Shrew, I said "that was crap" and Chanan said "THANK YOU" and thus we had the most fun possible from watching the Public Theater insult the fuck out of an audience for almost two hours - discussing our complete and utter hatred for a production of a play that probably should have been forgotten centuries ago. Oh sure, our friend Chaim attempted to rein us in with his weak defenses of the production (which sounded like he was trying to praise a high school play instead of a professional production with professional actresses and a Tony Award winning director). But we were not listening to Chaim and it was one of those times when no one should listen to Chaim (the most recent time was Chaim's defense of Golan as being unfairly targeted by the health inspectors because you know that health inspectors are so fickle).

In the production there were three moments which were so egregiously offensive that the mediocre tedium gave way to teeth-grinding disgust. First, the production opened with a beauty pageant narrated by a Donald Trump imitator. Second, the wedding speech is replaced by one of the actresses coming out to make a speech (as a Joe Pesci imitating man) about how horrible it is that women are in charge. Third, there's a dance-off to "Bad Reputation" at the end of the play that suggests what the play could have been.

See the pattern? In all cases, there's this pandering smug manner that assumes that the audience is going to laugh. Oh look, we are making fun of Donald Trump! Aren't we just so edgy? Isn't it so amazing that we can still mock a man who is quickly becoming as scary as Hitler? By that same token, why not decry how much women in power is scary to horribly stereotypical men? Because sexism is always so easy to spot and doesn't take a million different forms including rape culture and constant belittling of women by men and women who think that they are being totally gender neutral. They just tend to notice every one of Hillary's faults while completely ignoring Sanders' idiocy. Did Hillary just get the nomination? Well, she must have stolen the election - and don't you dare call her critics sexists for their obsession. And then we get that dance off that makes it look like we were just watching something edgy and cool instead of a tired pandering version of Taming of the Shrew that exaggerated everything to the point of making the play even more sexist.

And how is this production even more misogynist than most? Well Katherine does nothing but scream all the way through. She even screams after she gives over that terrible speech at the end and gets tossed in a pit. So I guess that means that we weren't watching a comedy after all? But no, we really are watching a comedy because all of the male characters are swaggering assholes. Because that's how men are supposed to behave and that's the only way they would behave (file this under 'why men need feminism')

To make matters that much worse, Petrucchio is not only a bad Keith Richards impression but also a character who is never wrong. There's one moment where Katherine decides to go along with Petrucchio's bullshit gaslighting and he gives the servant a look like he can't believe it's working. That scene is unearned because there is absolutely nothing between these characters but torture and starvation. And Petrucchio is also driving a trailer and dirty the entire play so again we get the class jokes - like haha poor people are stupid! Remember to donate to our theater company, Upper West Side audiences.

Of course, it's really hard to get around Taming of the Shrew. At heart, it's about a man who buys a woman from her father, tortures her and gets her to do everything he says to the point where she lets herself be gaslighted and gives a speech that could come out of The ISIS Marriage Handbook, but there are some ways to get around the horribleness of the play. Bring back the drunk guy. Given Katherine and Petrucchio some fucking chemistry so that they are into it. Make the players interesting and funny. Anything but whatever the fuck the Public Theater was doing which seems to be claiming feminist credentials by vomiting up the most misogynist version of a misogynist play possible.

I can't wait to see this applied to Merchant of Venice - all Jewish cast, but with everyone dressed like Nazis and laughing gleefully as Shylock converts to Xianity with the knowledge that it won't save him from the gas chambers. And then at the end everyone can dance to "Hava Negila" in order to prove that they were really being pro-Jewish all along.
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