But today I feel ornery about this one (courtesy of
sabotabby- I mean this kind of "I will be really NICE and therefore I DESERVE to get the woman that I want" discourse is just bullshit. And ironically enough apparently Nora Ephron is dying and many guys of my generation can blame her a little for making us believe that if we are first rejected we can just BE FRIENDS for a long time and eventually the woman will go for us. It's a creepy way of thinking. And actually, you can't blame Nora for it either since that's really NOT the point of When Harry Met Sally... (as they are both unaware of their mutual attraction - of course nowadays I get the opposite in that I have great female friends where I really wish that it would lead somewhere but mostly along the lines of "yeah, it'd be cool if I was more attracted to her because I can see that she IS attractive and really sweet and supportive, but yeah...I don't know. Just not happening." Bummer to be on the other side of the equation.)
Anyhow, this thing is creepy for various reasons. First and foremost, the "strategy" of being the kind and good friend to the girl who isn't interested is fucking creepy. You aren't being the good and kind friend. You are being the creepy dude that is just waiting for her to exhaust all other possibilities. It rarely works. But then it doesn't matter how awesome her boyfriends may be, you are looking at them for signs of shitbaggery. So the nice guy equation of "All women date jerks" is really "the woman that I WANT is dating other guys" but of course, the other guys are by definition the worst fucking assholes in the world because they are with the woman that you WANT. Doesn't matter if they are volunteers with ASPCA and spend their off hours in the homeless shelter and go out of their way to include you and make the woman you want happier than she's ever been before. As far as you're concerned, the dude is an asshole.
And you are just waiting for the dude to fuck up so you can fulfill the Chris Rock routine about how "you know the next guy that your girlfriend is going to fuck. He's eaten your food. He's laughed at your jokes."
It's bad enough when I WAS the creepy dude on the outside with the "just friend" who dated "jerks". It was almost amusing when I was the "jerk" that got in the way of Paul who had been "just friends" with my college girlfriend since they were both 12. He waited out her high school boyfriend and then me (even had that sliver of hope when we broke up for 3 months. Amazing scene. Valentine's Day. She's talking to him from my apartment. I am there cooking for her for our "just friends because what the hell we're both single now" date and finally after I get bored with that, I ask her a question. I don't know what I asked but it was enough for Paul to HEAR ME. The conversation ended with a "oh know, we're just hanging out" on her side of the conversation and I totally knew what his side of the conversation was. A stammer and a heartbreak and a "guess I have to wait longer for my soulmate because she's with that ASSHOLE!!")
He waited us both out and all the while sniped at us and casually included dickish comments about us in conversation with not much success at driving her away. And then FINALLY he got to go out with her. And they were a couple for 2 months. And then she went away to Costa Rica. And then dumped his stupid ass!
Actually I'm kidding. When you are the JERK that the girl is dating instead of the NICE GUY, it's fucking hilarious.
Of course, I'm a bad person since over a decade after the fact, I'm still like "HA! Fuck you Paul!"
On the other hand, I realized that I was a mature adult when that girlfriend started dating the guy that she would eventually marry. I liked him. Paul went back to his bitching. Not that I didn't hold out hope that she'd break up and come back to me, but I did my best to kill it so we could be friends.
Damn, I really should drop her an email.
I'm a bad friend.
Oh yeah, other part of this whiny bullshit. The knights were NOT valued for their valiant efforts, heroics and good deeds. They were valued for their LAND, their ability to raise an army and their general dickish behavior. And because they were so valued, they got to rape and kill whomever they wanted.
Of course, nowadays knights look like
And he doesn't do much jousting.