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So my mom is sick - I'm 20% worried - Tim Lieder [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Tim Lieder

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So my mom is sick - I'm 20% worried [Nov. 25th, 2013|01:54 pm]
Tim Lieder
My mom is going through one of those times where every time she calls, she complains about being sick and having fevers and weakness and the like. She went to the doctor and fell in the waiting area. She is having tests tomorrow and they sent out tests last week and there's a whole shitload of mystery around it because they checked blood pressure, heart, diabetes (pre-diabetes but the woman is in her 70s and drinks pop and eats potato chips) and everything is pretty much clear.

Now the reason why I'm not as worried as I normally would be when my mother tells me that she is having health problems and can't figure out what's wrong is because it's inspection time. The housing inspector will go into her apartment, deem it uninhabitable because there's too much stuff in her apartment and there's no real path to the door in order to get out in case of fire. And she is panicking about it. Every point where it seems like she is actually going to get rid of stuff is met with a counter-balance where she makes excuses and lies to herself about it. If she wants to sell her stuff and is open to it, she suddenly talks about "getting a fair price for the dolls." If I mention an Estate Sales place that can clear out her store room and sell it, she talks about going to Pawn America. Of course, the difference between going to Pawn America and letting the Estate Sales people just take it and sell is that she is NEVER going to go to Pawn America. That's just something that she says to make herself feel better for hoarding without actually doing anything about it.

Because actually taking steps to deal with her hoarding would be too hard. So she's making herself sick to get over it. So instead of taking her stuff out to the trash (or to fill up the garage even more) she is suddenly having trouble walking around and eating and all that.

Oh sure, she might be sick with something. That's why I am 20% worried. She's not young and she is not living a healthy lifestyle (stays in her apartment a lot, doesn't eat healthy, doesn't have a great support group beyond her cousin and the daily phone calls to me, etc.) but I find it WAY too coincidental that the moment she realizes that she is going to have to face inspection and can't hide behind the addict's favorite self-deception (the one that says that every shred of evidence and every person that tells her that she is a hoarder is just being Mean and trying to UPSET her - because that's all everyone wants to do) that she suddenly goes from a woman who is running outside to trap cats and going all over the place to a crippled old lady that can't even get out of bed for fear of fainting.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: rap541
2013-11-25 11:42 pm (UTC)
I don't envy you. If I learned one thing from Hoarders its tht there's no reasoning with these people and there's always a reason why things can't be thrown out.
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[User Picture]From: marlowe1
2013-11-26 04:41 am (UTC)
I suppose it could be worse. There are other addictions.

Of course, today she told me that she was going to a psychologist to get out of being forced to go to work, her condition went from Depressive to Bipolar.

No shit. I'm still dealing with that particular fun time (mostly in the way that I seem to only be truly attracted to women who are demanding and impossible to please - not quite getting the distinction between strong independence and complete wrecks)
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[User Picture]From: kittymink
2013-11-26 09:21 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry. :( That's terrible
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[User Picture]From: marlowe1
2013-11-27 07:33 am (UTC)
well Mom being sick is a problem. Apparently she's going to stay at the hospital for a couple of days while they run tests and fill her with fluid (and hopefully antibiotics but apparently she doesn't remember them giving her antibiotics today - which is stupid since many of her symptoms seem like kidney infection - not that i really can diagnose considering that i only have what she said and no medical degree) but it's probably going to be ok.

The hoarding is something that only gets really bad at these times when she has to get rid of it. And at least the housing inspections keep it functional.
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[User Picture]From: kittymink
2013-11-27 03:13 pm (UTC)
Glad it will be OK.

Hoarding scares me as I tend to collect stuff, often more than I should have probably, though I have cut back
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[User Picture]From: marlowe1
2013-11-27 03:47 pm (UTC)
well as long as you know about the issue and can honestly assess your own propensity for hoarding and get rid of stuff, it shouldn't a problem. It's an addiction but normally one that is much less life threatening than the more fun addictions.
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[User Picture]From: kittymink
2013-11-27 05:46 pm (UTC)
Mostly I'd buy clothes until I'd run out of places to store them! But I got rid of most of them after I lost weight. and I have no desire to go back to that
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[User Picture]From: marlowe1
2013-11-27 07:04 pm (UTC)
Yeah. I got a bag of clothes that will one day fit again.
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[User Picture]From: marlowe1
2013-11-27 07:06 pm (UTC)
Actually I meant to say that hoarding being an addiction involves a great deal of denial and false proclaimations of getting things together in order to bandage the terrible situation. Most of the time, it's "I don't have a problem" with the sporadic "I have a problem and I am going to take steps to deal with it" followed by "I don't have a problem."
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