|Well I guess Mom is actually sick
||[Nov. 27th, 2013|01:12 am]
She went to the emergency room and she's staying in the hospital for a couple of days. Seems like she has some blood pressure issues and a urinary tract infection. They are running tests. Looked up some of the symptoms and it seems like the worst case scenario is a kidney infection which is completely treatable with antibiotics and fluids, but it's still worrisome. She did wait a bit to actually go to the doctor and last week she was having trouble walking. Even fell in the waiting room. |
But right now it's wait and see. I'm not too worried. Most of it seems pretty normal.
Of course, there is the issue of the fact that I don't really have much of a social life. I mean I go to shul every Shabbos and I have my friends. I have people that I like to hang out with, but nothing regular. The main regular thing I have is the fact that I call my mom every day and even though she never talks about anything I want to talk about, it's still something that I have grown accustomed to. I am saying this on a day when I am overwhelmed with work and I'm not going to get any damn sleep tonight. So my interaction with friends is not even happening.
I guess this is making me think of how solitary my life has gotten. I know that Mom is not going to be around forever and she's lived longer than grandmother (but grandmother had a 2 pack a day smoking habit) and right now, I have no real emotional support. I haven't had a girlfriend since Chevi. Hell, I haven't even been on a date since summer and that was a coffee date. Over 1000 friends on Facebook and there is just no one that I think I can call if the shit hits the fan. I feel more emotional healthy than I did 10 years ago, but I want to be emotionally healthy with someone in my life that I can share it with. I remember being with Nanda and always depending on her. I had way too many nights when I just felt depressed and useless.
It seems like the easy friendships of just hanging out with friends are not something that I'm capable of. I always have to make an effort. So I'm thinking in pure selfish terms of what will happen if something happens to my mom now. I don't have any emotional support and I don't have anyone else that I can call every day. Mom at least has Judy for when I moved away. And if I'm in this current isolation, I will have a hell of a time handling things.
Maybe I am in that fucking hamster ball from the internet cartoon after all.