Tim Lieder (marlowe1) wrote,

speaking of being messed up

I have noticed that I have started comparing myself to the emotionally unstable. I've had a lot of emotionally unstable friends (still love telling the anecdote of my friend who was disappointed that I was never committed to a mental hospital) and I still have some. The thing is I seem to be obsessed with the ones that I have known or have known me - especially the ones that hate my guts like Ilana or Chris.

I have to stop that. I cannot make myself well by claiming that I'm better than that guy or that woman. Just because I'm not as bad as other people doesn't mean that I don't have issues. In many ways, I sound a lot like the alcoholic who points to the perpetual drunk and goes "At least I'm not as bad as THAT GUY" completely unaware that "that guy" probably also has someone to compare himself to and make himself feel not so bad. Or like my mom who thinks that she is not a hoarder because she isn't living in a garbage house.

Philip Seymour Hoffman was not as bad of a heroin addict as William S. Burroughs in his prime. Didn't save his life.

I think I have to focus on the friends who are emotionally healthy and aspire to be like them as opposed to focusing on the friends (and former friends) who are having issues as if my issues aren't important in comparison.
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